When anxiety rises up

Over the last number of years I have struggled much more with anxiety. In my younger years, very little phased me. Sure, speaking in front of others was a bit nerve wracking at times, especially at first, and there was the occasional worry about whether I had done as well as I would have liked in exams. All this is pretty normal.

When the kids arrived, I tried not to be the anxious mum or at least not to show my kids I was anxious. But time and some postnatal depression took its toll and I became unwell. I recovered through the support of people around me, medication and of course my faith which sustained me through a very dark period.

And then for many years I was fine. There were ups and downs, but I was ok. In fact I accomplished a lot.

Then menopause hit with it's particular brand of issues. For the most part it's been ok but the increase in anxiety has not. It's almost brought me to a standstill so that at times I am barely coping, barely managing to get out of bed.

Each day has its own challenges. I don't talk about it much because I would much rather focus on what is good and right and lovely. I would much rather focus on the good parts when I'm really productive. This is a choice I make. But I'm also good at putting on my "I'm ok face".

The trouble is that lately, it's been harder and harder to be ok. I'm not complaining. I have support in place, I'm seeing the right doctors and para medical people to deal with both the physical and the emotional fallout.

I'm writing this because I want people to see that even those of us who seem to have it all together can also struggle. For me it's about approaching the challenges with grace and a determination that this is only a phase, only a season. It will get better.

I'm determined to make each day count, even when it's hard. That might mean that some days getting out of bed is the win. On other days I will achieve so much more. It's not however about what I achieve, rather who I am as a person and following what I know is right.

For me my faith as a follower of Jesus is so important in this. As I focus on him, with thanksgiving and gratefulness, I am able to better focus on what is good and right and lovely. I am better able to take the focus off me and to place it on who God is and what he has done for all of us.

If you've read this far, and are struggling, please know that help is available. Lifeline is available, 131114 (Australia). Get the help you need and I pray that in the midst of the struggle you'll be a be to make the right choices, choose gratefulness and get well.